It has become something of an Australian tradition to stir up a rival cricket team well ahead of the series. Steve Waugh, that famed proponent of “mental disintegration”, managed to rub his opponents’ nose in the dust well before a series without any apparent malice, while no Ashes series was complete without a Glenn McGrath prediction of a Pommie thrashing. Over time, other players–such as Sourav Ganguly, who repeatedly got under Waugh’s skin by arriving late at the toss, or Nasser Hussain, who made a point of not remembering then-rookie South African captain Graeme Smith’s name only to be scrubbed for two double-centuries–have taken up this method, some with more success than others. But it is fair to say that Australia leads the way and then some.
For one thing, the press is often eager to step in. Last year Malcolm Conn of the Australian previewed Mohammad Asif’s return to Test cricket with the headline “Pakistan drug cheat Mohammad Asif eyes MCG Test”, while the sincere but pompous Peter Roebuck dismissed Chris Gayle as an unworthy, mercenary West Indies captain and questioned the regional side’s continued existence. Sydney’s Daily Telegraph was endearingly blunt in a headline reading “Ball-biting Afridi to captain Aussie Tests”, giving some indication of this proud Australian decision.
Most of the straight-faced talk comes, naturally enough, from the captain, and Ricky Ponting’s earnest George W-features and boyish grin can have a serious effect on your mind when telling you he thinks you’re not that rubbish, but yes rubbish. With a “Pakistan tour”–i.e. a series against Pakistan in England–coming up, Ponting rifles into his pages to remind AAP that Afridi “hasn’t played much Test cricket of late, has he? If you read between the lines,” (I wasn’t aware, by the way, that Ponting had this particular skill, but looks can be deceptive) said the skipper, “he’s almost in there as that leader and captain, not necessarily one of their best Test players. So we’ll test him out.”
I never thought I’d see the day when Shahid Afridi, pitch-pirouetting ball-biter that he is, would be typecast in a Mike Brearley role. But you learn something new every day; Ponting continued, “Even in the one -dayers in Australia last season with our quicks bowling the way they did to him, I think we can sort him out in Test cricket for sure.”
He’s got a point; Afridi really struggled against Australia, struggling around to hit 48 off 26 balls, 40 off 29, and 29 off 10 balls among his five-digit scores. He managed only 127 runs off only 76 balls, at only ten an over. Hang on…
Not, mind, that Ponting doesn’t have a point. The bouncy hard pitches of Australia where Afridi gleefully glutted in lower-order limited-overs bashing are a far different proposition to playing–and leading–a format where he hasn’t played for nearly four years, that too in conditions likely to seam and zip around. The Pakistani’s return to Test cricket should be a test, and yet Ponting is, in the grand old tradition of pre-series ribbing, taking a mild risk.
Afridi’s Test record–37.40 with bat and 34.90 with ball–is far from ordinary, and despite a galloping strike-rate his batting in that arena is, usually, far from hysterical (if, occasionally, not very far). Seaming conditions tend to test most subcontinental batsmen and spinners, yet there is little about Afridi’s technique that really needs gauging, particularly against the fast bowling that has been touted; that area is left to his temperament.
And, considering the mechanic efficiency with which Australians conduct themselves, Ponting is only wasting his time trying to mentally disintegrate the Pakistanis. When it comes to playing the Aussies, Pakistan–already accused of mental retardation by former coach Intikhab Alam–hit a mental roadblock. Australia have swept their last four series–that’s 12 matches–clean against Pakistan; considering that Pakistan’s last victory over them was back in 1995, even a draw–the last one dating to 1998–would be a minor triumph in itself.
Not, mind, that Pakistan are incapable of halting the juggernaut. No team manages to kick aside the betting tables quite as spectacularly as Pakistan often can; the challenge of facing a Goliath with an almost home crowd–if not pitch–may be the boost that they need. But it’s very very very–and square that ”very” for every month Ejaz Butt’s circus-act is in charge–unlikely, and if Ponting was trying to short-circuit the already tangled wires that form the Pakistani thinktank against Australia, then he was, really, just wasting his time.
